Crusader Update

When Your Student has a Conflict 

During your student's first year, he/she is certain to encounter some conflict. It may be a roommate situation, a disagreement with a friend, or a misunderstanding with a professor. As a parent, it is difficult to hear about your child's conflict. Remember that, when handled well, conflict can provide an opportunity for growth. As parents, we also know that learning to handle conflict is a natural part of the developmental process. 

Rather than shielding your student from conflict, consider the following points adapted from The Campus Link*:

• Try not to rush to the rescue. As parents, we have a strong urge to rescue our children - it's natural. However, your student will be stronger and better prepared for future conflicts if he/she figures it out for themselves. Try to listen and provide guidance without solving the problem for them.
• Offer support. Students in conflict are often angry, confused, anxious, or a combination of all three. Provide support when he/she talks about what's going on. This builds confidence in the student. All of us appreciate knowing that someone is in our corner.
• Encourage your student to seek assistance. If the conflict is a bit more serious and exceeds your comfort level, urge your student to seek help from UMHB support staff immediately. This could be the RA in the residence hall, our campus police department, an academic advisor, our counseling center, a coach...the list is long of staff who are willing to help. UMHB is serious about helping our students resolve conflict.
• Provide perspective. During conflict, students might need someone to give them another person's perspective - the "devil's advocate," if you will. Instead of immediately taking their side, ask "Have you thought about...?" This can go a long way in helping them understand the other person's perspective and, ultimately, resolve conflict.
• Affirm your student's abilities. Tell your son or daughter that you are proud of them and you are confident that he/she has the capability to handle the situation. Remind her that she is growing by taking responsibility for this and other situations in life. Your affirmation will give her confidence that she can handle future conflicts as well.

Conflict is rarely easy and almost always causes stress. I hope that these tips will help you as you encourage your student to continue in the growing process.

Go Cru,
Steve

*February 2006

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