Confiscate grade points from privileged students, give to needy

Welfare is the answer.

Strange as those words may sound coming from someone who has been a conservative Republican all his life, they are true. Call it a conversion experience.

After years of study, heart-searching and observation, I have shockingly concluded that programs like welfare are the most realistic hopes of ending poverty and injustice in society. Not only that, but the idea behind welfare could be used to greatly benefit the students of UMHB.

The administration should immediately start a program called Gradefare. Under this program, every student making a “B” or higher in any class would be required to take a certain number of points from his or her average and donate them to a common “point bank” controlled by the professor. The higher the grade you make, the more points you give. These points would then be given out to all students making a “C” or worse to raise their grades.

The benefits of this plan are obvious. Many students graduate from college with a below-average GPA or fail altogether. Because of this, they don't have good employment opportunities and are effectively trapped in low-income jobs.

With Gradefare, all this could change. No student would ever fail, and those who are less academically fortunate will get a slight “bump” to improve their GPAs, which will look better on a résumé.

Naturally, people will object to this plan for ridiculous reasons.

Some will argue that they “earned” every point of their average, so it would be wrong to take some of their points and give them to others

 How greedy and cold hearted can you be? That a female nursing major with a 93 in anatomy and physiology would object to giving a mere five points to help someone pass is just mean spirited. Besides, she didn't really earn an “A” by her own merit. She probably benefited from an upper-class, privileged childhood that gave her educational and development advantages others might not have.

Others might say that those receiving points shouldn't get them because they didn't earn them. That's hogwash! Students who make below average grades are largely victims of bad childhoods, low self-esteem and the oppression of straight-A overachievers who keep them down. It is impossible for them to make better grades because of this, so giving them points is the only answer.

More caring objectors might say that they have no problem giving points to those in need, but would rather do it themselves than have the university take points by force. Unfortunately, not everyone is generous. Some privileged students wouldn't give points, leaving needy students out in the cold. This is too important to trust people with.

For those who think Gradefare is a wonderful idea and can't wait to surrender their points, congratulations on your compassion. For those who still aren't convinced, who believe there is something inherently wrong with the way Gradefare operates, there is just one thing to say: Welcome to the Republican Party.