Living With a Roommate

The majority of residents living at UMHB live in a shared space. So it is likely that sometime during your college years, you will find yourself living with one or more than one roommate. This may be with someone you don't know or could be with a friend or even a family member.
Having a successful roommate relationship is your opportunity to practice the arts of communication, compromise and living in a community. Even if you are living with a friend there can be challenges and can often be tougher than living with a stranger. That is why we encourage everyone going into any roommate relationship (regardless of how much experience you have in sharing a room) to do some prep work. Here are some basic tips for creating a positive roommate relationship.

Expectations
• Be realistic. Don't expect your roommate to be your best friend and constant companion. Continuous close contact can strain even the best of friendships and may mean that the person who is your closest friend may not be the best choice of roommate.
• Contact your new roommate prior to move-in day to talk about living together. Talk about the practical stuff such as who is bringing what to the room to cut down on duplicates of items. Try to get a feel for what your roommate's goals and lifestyle are and talk about what you both expect from college.

Establishing Rules
• Talk about your preferences from the start. Do you like complete silence when you study, or do you prefer to listen to music? How loud do you like to listen to your music? What time do you usually go to bed? Do you like to sleep in on the weekends? Do either of you need complete silence when working on homework assignments?
• Set rules about visitation. In the residence halls, the visitation policy allows for same sex visitors on a daily basis but puts limits on how often someone can spend the night. The same is true for the apartments and in the apartments, opposite sex visitation is allowed on a regular basis. In the residence hall opposite sex visitors can visit the room once a week. Although you can't come up with your own preference about when an opposite sex visitor comes to the room, you can discuss expectations about what will go on in the room while visitors are present. When it comes to same sex visitors who can be there more often, some discussion points might be:
        o I would like to avoid having friends in the room during these times...
        o If I feel that your visitor(s) has overstayed his or her welcome, we will handle it like this...
        o The way I feel about your friends using my things is...
• Make sure that all rules are set from the very beginning and are clear and understood by both parties in order to avoid any disputes that could arise in the future.
• Make sure you fill out the Roommate Agreement Form given to you by your RA. This form is meant to be discussed and filled out at the beginning of the semester and is a great tool for establishing the rules early in the relationship.

Communication
• If your roommate is doing something you don't like, express your feelings. Remember that your roommate can't read your mind.
• Don't store up a lot of petty grievances -- they will grow into a major problem.
• Be respectful as you communicate versus criticizing. Choose your words carefully and make sure that when you do have concerns, you voice them in a way that won't seem as if you are attacking your roommate.
• Communication also involves praise and compliments; so be sure to give each other positive feedback as well. Communication is vital, but it has to work in both ways.

Compromise
• Compromise is essential whenever two people live together. You both have different likes and dislikes and you must learn to blend both of your lifestyles together in order to create a comfortable living situation.
• Compromise does not mean giving in to someone, or arguing about a situation, but rather coming to an agreement together in which you both agree to the terms.
• Remember, none of us are perfect, and most problems do have solutions.
• Keep an open mind and be respectful of each other to help make the experience a more pleasant one for the both of you.

<<Back to FYRE home.